Last night I had a dream. It wasn't one of my typical-yet-random, helplessly silly dreams...this one was different.
In my dream I was seated on the ground with a group of about 15 girls. I don't remember who they all were, only that they were girls that were vaguely familiar to me (one was the girl who sits next to me in history). As the dream continued on I realized that I was in a bible study/accountability group. We spent some time talking (as we girls tend to do) and the next thing I know the lady in charge was assigning our task for the session. We had to write our biggest struggle/weakness on a piece of paper. I complied. After that she informed us to rotate our papers to the left. I was completely horrified. The thought of letting these girls know my weakness was unbearable. As my paper was passed from girl to girl I watched their faces...shock, pity and ridicule were among the most common expressions. I wanted nothing more than to go and grab my paper and hide it away from their judgmental eyes. As if to add insult to injury, as I read the papers passed to me, I realized how seemingly harmless they all were. The longer I sat there the more my flesh screamed to run away... but I couldn't leave. So I simply sat with my head hung down in shame.
When I woke up, I didn't know exactly what God was trying to tell me. I'm normally not a big believer in the whole "all dreams MEAN something" philosophy, but I knew this dream was different. So I prayed. I prayed that God would reveal meaning and insight. And like He always does, He showed up in a BIG way.
It has been so long since I have really been convicted by my sin. Not sin in general, but MY sin. I have spent so much time trying to encourage other people to rid themselves of the sin that so "easily entangles" that I had forgotten that I am among the filthiest of sinners.
I praise God for days like today. Days where He pierces my heart with His truth. Days where He reminds me of how undeserving I am of His grace. Days that strip me off my pride and false sense of righteousness.
The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.
1 Timothy 1:15-17