Early Morning

There are many facets of having a roommate that I've had to adjust to over the course of the semester. Since my roomie is a cheerleader here, she has a different morning schedule than I do (cheer practice 3 times a week at 7 am).

Luckily, I'm a morning person. I love to get up early and be ALONE. I usually allow myself an hour and a half (at least) in the morning to get ready for the day, do a devotional, etc. Well even with my hour and a half of "me" time, I still am not up by 5:45.

Meaning I have to incur the wrath of my roommates alarm clock. You see, when I hear an alarm clock go off my first instinct is to wake up...completely. Not press snooze after it has already gone off for 5 minutes, and then listen to it go off in another 10 minutes. It's torture some mornings listening to her alarm go off when I know I am missing out on another 45 minutes to an hour of prime sleep. But I'm learning to deal, and it is probably making me a better person. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

The odd thing is, lately I have had the opposite problem.

Out of courtesy, whenever one of us is sleeping while the other is getting ready, we typically get ready in the dark (unless turning on the light is a necessity). Over time, I have learned how to choose an outfit, brush my teeth, put in my contacts AND put on make up with only a dim closet light guiding my way. The only problem is, lately I keep thinking she's in bed when she isn't! Today I got completely ready in the dark and didn't even realize she wasn't in there until she told me about it this afternoon! And that's the second time this week!

It's kinda funny to think about. Part of me wonders if God was looking down from heaven and chuckling as I balanced the mirror in my closet drawer and made feeble attempts at applying mascara. I imagine it would look ridiculous if people knew I was the only one in there trying not to wake up my sleeping ghost of a roommate.

Let Your Requests be Made Known...

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

I don't know about you, but it seems like every time the "whats your favorite verse?" question gets brought up, 1 out of every 7 Christians lists this as their favorite verse. I just have to wonder if they are reading the same verse I am... or if all they see is, "as long as I love the Lord, He will have favor on me and give me what I want". The problem is, I don't think that's what the scripture is saying at all, in fact, I think it's saying quite the opposite. If your delight is in the Lord, then your desire will be for Him and to serve Him and follow His will for your life. The desires of your flesh will be crucified in order for His desires to take priority.

You see, I want my desires to be in line with His, and more than anything I want to live according to His word and His will for my life... yet there are always desires hidden beneath the surface that crave the things of this world. Things that are not necessarily "bad", but things that are not promised by Gods word. For me, this has manifested itself as a couple of things...my desire for friends here at school, and my dream of one day being a mother. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think either of these things are condemned by Gods word (or are "bad" in and of themselves), but I know that I have not been promised either. They seem to fall in this "gray area" of desires. I can say confidently that I would rather live in Gods will than have either of these things, but I desire them nonetheless.

Here is where my dilemma begins... what I don't understand is why we need to pray that He will grant us the desires of our hearts if we make His desires our own? I am probably just missing something, but if we are truly followers of Christ then His will should be our own, right? And maybe I am wrong again, but I do not feel like I have to ask God to complete His will. He is God Almighty and I have faith that His will is going to be completed with or without my prayer. However, I try to be obedient and present my requests unto Him, knowing that He hears them, and hoping that they are in line with His will. I just don't know what to do with these "gray area" desires. I know the Lord knows my heart, and since these wants are not a necessity or even a priority, I don't feel like I should bring them before Him. Am I wrong? If my primary desire is for His will to be completed in me, what do I do with these secondary desires? I feel selfish even bringing such petty things before His throne. I wish I could purge myself of these things, but they seem to stick with me. Simply put, He has created me with a passion for people and a love for babies. I know that He is supreme in my life and is completely sufficient, so should I even bother asking for these other things? When Paul says "let your requests be made known" (Philipians 4:6) does that only include the requests that line up with His promises and truth?

I don't know if any of this makes sense, I just wanted to see if anyone had some insight or words of wisdom for me...

It's a Man's World

Here are some fun facts I learned today...

• 75-80% of people arrested are male
• men commit 83% of violent crime
• men monopolize organized, corporate and political crimes
• for every 1 violent offense committed by a woman, there are 6 violent male offenses
  
• males kill other males 86% of the time

C'mon fellas, what is all this about?!

Case in Point

Ernie is on the left, Tony is on the right. They kind of have a little word fumble in the middle...but it is still one of my favorite recordings of this song.

Ernie Halter and Tony Lucca- Whisper

One of those days...

Today has been super stressful and aggravating, so tonight as I sat down in an attempt to mellow out (after a long battle with my online test) I started thinking about the music that calms me down. The songs and artists that I listen to after days like today. After much careful consideration, I decided on a few must have songs on days like today...songs that refresh me and calm me down.

1. Crazy- by Patsy Cline
I could listen to all of Patsy Cline's songs over and over and over again and never get sick of them. There's something about her voice that speaks to me...it's therapeutic.

2. Arms of a Woman-Amos Lee
This song is one of my favorite all time. It makes me forget everything going on around me and focus on nothing in particular.

3. Home- Michael Buble
This one is new to me, so it's yet to lose its "new and magical" appeal. I could (and do) listen to it over and over. The only downside is it makes me incurably homesick, which is not normal for me.

4. Don't Know Why- Norah Jones
Norah Jones is probably my favorite female artist (living). I wish she would get together with Ernie and record an album...even though she is 1000 times more famous than he will ever be.

5. Whisper- Ernie Halter
My love and devotion for Ernie is unceasing. His music makes my heart happy. It's hard to explain, because I know other people don't get it, but his music just does it for me. It makes me want to fall in love.

6. Blackbird- The Beatles
Possibly one of the best songs ever. And I know some of you are going to bash me for this, but Ernie sang this when I went to his show and it made me fall even more in love with this song.

7. Death of Me- Tony Lucca
I have been in love with this song/Tony Lucca for quite some time now. He is one of my favorite acoustic artist, but most people haven't heard of him (surprise surprise) He appeals to my folk-y side.

8. Gravity- Sarah Barielles
This song is beautiful. Sarah Barielles has a beautiful voice. The end.

9. Man on the Side- Ernie Halter
This song is sinful it's so good.

10. Georgia- Ray Charles
Ray Charles makes me wish time could rewind about 50 years. If I could choose to get serenaded by anyone in the world (dead or alive), he would definitely be a contender.

Pinch Me

So tonight on a whim I went with a friend of mine to a mutual friends Indonesian church Anniversary Celebration. It was a childrens musical called "Neck Up Check Up". Pretty stinking cute. I have decided I really want an Indonesian baby...super cute.

Well as soon as I walked up to the church they told me about a raffle they were doing...the grand prize was a laptop. Normally I don't even bother entering these things, but at the insistence of my friend I filled out a name slip.

From the start I kinda felt like I was going to win. I can't explain it other than to say that I knew it would be such a blessing (a laptop wasn't in my budget this year so I was currently working with a desktop, not horrible, but definitely not that great for college life). Anways, to make a long story short I ended up WINNING it! It's super cute (it is a mini so it is pretty small).

I don't know how to explain it other than to say it was totally a blessing. God is good, even when I'm not expecting it. The funny part is afterwards when I was talking to my friend she told me that she kept thinking I would get it too! Anyways, just a super awesome blessing :)

Friends and the Random things I love

Today I was reminded of how much I love my friends. So this post is dedicated to you guys and the random things that I love about you. I'm not going to name any names, but I'm pretty sure you can figure out who you are, or pretend that you are someone else...whatever works.

1. It's hard to explain what I love about you friend...you just FEEL like home. Even if we don't talk for weeks, I know that I can call you up or see you and things will be the same as they've always been. You're so comfortable to be around. I could go months without seeing you and not realize how much I missed you until the next time I saw you. That might not sound like a good thing, but trust me, it is.

2. Oh you, what is there to say about you?! You are the smartest person I know. I wish I had one-tenth the intelligence and insight you have. I never know what you're thinking but I love that about you. You have been, and will always be, a mystery to me.

3. You my friend, are the person I love to fight with. You're wittier and a much better debater than I am, but I never seem to learn my lesson and always come back for more. I love that you challenge me. And even though we never seem to agree on much, I get along better with you than 99.9% of the world. I don't think I'll ever understand our relationship but it just seems to work for us.

4. You are my faithful friend. For some reason, I have never doubted that you would be able to accomplish anything and everything you set your mind to. People underestimate you, but I know you will do things I could never dream of.

5. You make me laugh more than anyone else I know. Not in a way that anyone else would understand, but in a way that is unique to us. Sometimes I think that I am the only one that appreciates your humor and you are the only one who appreciates mine. Every time I'm with you my sides ache. I don't know how you do it, but you always bring out the best/worst in me. You are by far the silliest person I know...and I love you for it.

6. I love that you have so many different types of laughs...there's the laugh when something shocks you (eyebrows raised mouth WIDE open), then there's the laugh when you think something is hilarious (your whole body responds and your nose is scrunched), and the half-hearted laugh which is just a very small version of the "hilarious" laugh. I also love that I have more inside jokes with you than anyone else in the world. You are one of the few people I can sit in silence with for extended periods of time and never feel uncomfortable. More than any other friend, I know that you will stick it out with me till the end.

7. Even though we aren't that close, there are so many things I love about you. You are truly beautiful inside and out. You make me want to be a better person and you humble me with your grace and compassion. You are the embodiment of so many of the things that I lack, and even though you are honest about your flaws, it only makes you that much more lovely.

8. I love that you aren't afraid to call me out and be completely honest with me. Our relationship is a weird one, but I think we're both okay with that. You made me deal with things I never thought I would have to and I don't think you will ever understand how much that meant to me.

9. You are the most awkward person I know. THAT alone is what I love about you. You're also a pretty cool kid.

10. You are everything I expected you to be in a way that I never expected. I had so many idea's about you that were right, but instead of those being negative, they ended up being really positive things. You fit the stereotype and break the mold at the same time.

Cutest. Baby. Ever.

My mom sent me these pictures of my niece (Kaitlyn, 4 months old) today. You can't really tell in these pictures, but from what I hear she's the spitting image of her Aunt Dani :)

Silly Girl

I don't know about you, but I'm getting a little tired how serious things have been lately. Between the upcoming election, theological debates, and all the pointless junk college throws at you, I'm ready to just be silly and carefree.

Today I woke up feeling like a million bucks. I don't know how else to explain it. I sincerely hope I'm not the only one that feels this way from time to time. I couldn't pinpoint an exact reason for my happiness, I just knew that today would be good. That being said, nothing all that great came of today, but it was still an awesome day. Days like today remind me of how simple I am and how complicated the world is. I just want things to be easy and even though they rarely are, sometimes I just feel like celebrating the fact that I woke up and that I have a God that loves me.

So today I'm just gonna blast some feel-good love songs, and dance around my room...because at the end of the day, I'm just a silly girl.

Sad Songs

I've recently discovered that I'm a bit of a sucker for sad songs.

Ironic, no?

Best Weekend Ever.

So this past weekend was one for the record books. I wish I could explain how awesome it was, but I'm not that skilled of a writer. For now, I'll just give some highlights...

1. Danica and drove up to see Marie at OBU!
2. We dined INDOORS at sonic, using a telephone to place our orders.
3. I toured OBU (Oklahoma Baptist for you Ouachita-ers) and fell in love with the campus/entire school. Someone remind me why I chose DBU?!
4. I learned a new interesting phrase from Maries "Christian" friends...
5. We went shopping. Add another dress to the pile.
6. I discovered Michael Buble (where the heck have I been?!)
7. Huge Ice-cream cones at Braums. I got Chocolate Cherry and Peanut Butter Cup :)
8. Marie and I got our nose's pierced and got to watch Danica panic.
9. Took WAY too many pictures.
10. We rewrote our FH lists...now we've seperated the "musts" from the "wants".
11. I shared a exceptionally narrow twin bed with Danica.
12. We got to visit Marie's favorite church. I really liked it. Good choice, Conswela.

I know there were so many other things that happened this weekend that were noteworthy, but that's all I have for now. It was sooo good. Everyone should get one weekend away with their besties every now and then.

Favorites.

In an attempt to organize all of the best things in the world, I have decided to compile a "favorites" list. Buckle your seat-belt, it's gonna get pretty spectacular in here.


Movies

1. A Beautiful Mind (best movie ever)
2. Now and Then (the movie of my childhood)
3. Pride and Prejudice (because I'm a sucker)
4. Prince of Egypt
   

TV Shows

1. Law and Order SVU
2. Big Love

Books (warning: my favorite books are normally only my favorites because they are the one's I've read recently, so they're fresh on my mind)

1. Kite Runner
2. Memoirs of a Geisha
3. The Secret History

Breakfast Food

1. Everything Bagels
   
2. Chocolate Chip Pancakes

...neither of which I ever get :(


Drink

1. Iced Tea

Day of the Week

1. Thursday

Sports Team

1. Spurs (duh)

Book of the Bible

1. Hebrews

Board Game

1. Life!

Article of Clothing (it usually depends on my mood)

1. Athletic Shorts...because I'm really classy.

President

1. I'm partial to Regan but not because of his politics.

State (besides Texas)

1. Montana
2. Utah
3. Georgia

Season

1. Fall or Spring

Actor

1. Adrian Brody

Actress

1. Laura Prepon! (I try to stick with my kind)

Color

1. Red (though I'm starting to lean towards teal/turquoise)

Ice Cream Flavor

1. Cinnamon

Musician

1. Ernie Halter
2. Amos Lee

Holiday

1. Christmas!

1 Timothy 1:15-17

Last night I had a dream. It wasn't one of my typical-yet-random, helplessly silly dreams...this one was different.

In my dream I was seated on the ground with a group of about 15 girls. I don't remember who they all were, only that they were girls that were vaguely familiar to me (one was the girl who sits next to me in history). As the dream continued on I realized that I was in a bible study/accountability group. We spent some time talking (as we girls tend to do) and the next thing I know the lady in charge was assigning our task for the session. We had to write our biggest struggle/weakness on a piece of paper. I complied. After that she informed us to rotate our papers to the left. I was completely horrified. The thought of letting these girls know my weakness was unbearable. As my paper was passed from girl to girl I watched their faces...shock, pity and ridicule were among the most common expressions. I wanted nothing more than to go and grab my paper and hide it away from their judgmental eyes. As if to add insult to injury, as I read the papers passed to me, I realized how seemingly harmless they all were. The longer I sat there the more my flesh screamed to run away... but I couldn't leave. So I simply sat with my head hung down in shame.

When I woke up, I didn't know exactly what God was trying to tell me. I'm normally not a big believer in the whole "all dreams MEAN something" philosophy, but I knew this dream was different. So I prayed. I prayed that God would reveal meaning and insight. And like He always does, He showed up in a BIG way.

It has been so long since I have really been convicted by my sin. Not sin in general, but MY sin. I have spent so much time trying to encourage other people to rid themselves of the sin that so "easily entangles" that I had forgotten that I am among the filthiest of sinners.

I praise God for days like today. Days where He pierces my heart with His truth. Days where He reminds me of how undeserving I am of His grace. Days that strip me off my pride and false sense of righteousness.

The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.
1 Timothy 1:15-17

For the love of the game

So tonight, sitting courtside at the season opener (aka Midnight Madness), I remembered, for the first time in a long time, just how much I love basketball.

I love it all, the squeak of the shoes on the hardwood floor, the intensity and passion, but mostly I love knowing how much hard work and dedication the players put forth. Though I know I can't consider myself a legitamate "player" anymore, I'll always be a fan. Basketball has captivated me like no other sport has. There's nothing quite like watching a competitive game full of up's and down's... nail-biters or tear-jerkers, I love 'em all. For me it has always been about the feeling. The satisfaction I got after two or three hour practices. Leaving the gym reeking to high heavens but feeling like a million bucks. The sprained ankle that you have to battle through. Ending a game, reguardless of whether I won or loss, and knowing that I gave all that I had. This is what basketball means to me. It's not about the overpaid and overpublicized players that you see in the commercials and it's not about winning (though I do LOVE to win)...it's about the feeling.

It's almost like a drug for me. Tonight I got a taste of what I've been missing these past few basketball-less months. I guess I'll just Count the Days until season starts...

Finally

Today has been a monumental day.

Today I got my first paycheck...ever (which seems kinda weird since I feel like I've been working my entire life).

I know what you're thinking, and yes, I should have been paid multiple times by now, but for whatever reason they just got around to writing the check. The funny thing is, I don't really need the money like I thought I would. It's more about the feeling of accomplishment.

Realistically, today is just the beginning of the next 50 years of my life.

But for now, I'll sit back and enjoy staring at my name and the little black numbers underneath it.

Patriot Patrol

A couple of weeks ago, there was an "unfortunate incident" that occurred on the normally pure, green grass of Dallas Baptist University. I am not under any false allusions about the security of this campus. It's ridiculously safe. Recently a friend of mine referred to as a "convent"... a statement that I thought was befitting of it's fenced-in-safe-and-warm feel. There is a campus wide curfew on weeknights and weekends, and there are only two entry points for the entire campus. It would seem virtually impossible to sneak onto campus and commit a crime in the wee hours of the morning. But, that doesn't mean students can not commit crimes against one another. The specific incident I'm referring to was one which included hate, vandalism and a very "unpatriotic spirit". A solider (and student) on campus had his car completely trashed and covered in sayings such as "soldiers are murderers!". Needless to say, everyone was outraged when they found out. Our picturesque, little campus had never encountered anything like this.

I write all this because though it bothered me that someone would do that, I wasn't all that surprised. It is, after all, a college campus. There are bound to be a few "rebellious" youth out looking for trouble and ways to cause havoc. However, not once have I ever felt unsafe at DBU. Actually, I have never felt safer than I do when I'm locked away atop my little "campus on a hill".

I have always viewed our security guards as a bit of a joke. After all, all they do 98% of the time is write parking tickets. But after the "incident" new extremes were taken to ensure the safety of DBU students everywhere. In addition to the already over-the-top security lock-down they have us on, we now have bicycle cops. Yea, security guards on wheels. Apparently our huge security trucks that they drive around campus are simply inadequate when compared to the rising crime rate. What I don't understand is why they would choose bicycles. Seriously? I can't think of anything less intimidating than a bicycle...they might as well have chosen scooters. How does a bicycle help them? Will it get them into places they couldn't get by truck going faster than they would on foot? When the big, bad DBU crime lords are tearing up campus, is the bicycle really going to be what makes the difference?

If the security office would have asked my opinion, I would have readily given it to them. But sadly, they did not, and now we will all have to live in fear of the patriot patrol.

P.S. As I'm writing this, I can hear sirens in the distance... seriously.

Kaitlyn

I had dinner tonight with some of my siblings, but most importantly, my niece Kaitlyn! Today she was officially 4 months old. She's constantly amazes me. She's already doing so many things beyond most babies her age (she can already sit up, AND push up in order to raise her upper body off the ground). I'm pretty sure she's the most awesome baby ever. Plus I think she's going to end up looking like me...she's already got my hair, toes and big noggin...all she needs now is charisma!


And in case I ever questioned it...I REALLY LOVE BABIES.

THE List

So last night I decided to reminisce and go through some of my old prayer journals. Honestly, I was looking for something in particular when I stumbled upon an entry from November 1, 2003...titled (I kid you not) "My Ideal Husband". Marie and I used to make these list with all the characteristics we would want in our future husbands. If I were to update it, there would certainly be somethings that would change, but I think the bulk of the list still holds true. At first I was only going to post a few, but I decided that it would probably be better if I just posted them all (minus a select few). Keep in mind I was only 13 when I wrote these.

1. Must be an active Christian man (by "active" I'm pretty sure I meant in the church)
2. Must be goofy
3. Must be 6'3" and up
4. Must luv sports, b-ball, football, baseball (and yes... I spelled love "luv" because it was cooler that way)
5. Must love, be good with, and want kids and dogs
6. Must have a sweet-tooth
7. Must be romantic, very in love with me forever and ever
8. Must find me attractive at all times even when I look bad
9. Must put God above all
10. Must be willing to do whatever it takes to serve God.
11. Must be friendly, fun to be with, a people person
12. Must love to read his bible
13. Must strive to be an even better Christian man
14. Must not smoke, cuss, or drink a lot
15. Must like my friends (at the end of this one Marie wrote her name in parentheses)
16. Must love to cuddle (I don't feel very strongly about this one anymore...)
17. Must respect me no matter what
18. Must make me feel special
19. Must be energetic like me
20. Must be tough
21. Must be at least a little macho (yea. I seriously put this on the list)
22. Must keep me in line
23. Must love cars
24. Must like country at least a little (this one definitely wouldn't be on my modern list)
25. Must not be shy (another one that would def. not be on the updated version)
26. Must not brag excessively
27. Must not be tattooed or pierced
28. Must get along with both families
29. Must be approved by Dad, Mom, Kyle, Kelly, close friends (once again Marie wrote her name in parentheses)
30. Must keep eye contact, and have a firm handshake
31. Must be a conservative republican (this was when I was going through my whole political awakening that only lasted a couple of months)

My personal favorites are 8, 21, and 30. ha. Apparently my affinity for list making dates way back...

The Good Stuff.

So these past few days have been really hectic and crazy, but now they over! Finally! whew. In the end, they weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be...

The highlight of the week would definitely be getting to see my brother and have dinner with him Thursday night. It was so good to just sit and laugh with him. Even though he's been gone for two years it felt like nothing had changed. I would have to say that that is one of the most awesome things about my family (and my brother inparticular). I am so excited about this week because while I'm home in Cypress I'm going to be able to spend a TON of time with him. haha. He won't know what hit him.

As far as the rest of the week, it ended up going by pretty fast. I think I did really good on all my tests (though the jury's still out on O.T.). I ended up with a 100 on my Sociology test! I felt extremely accomplished.

Other than that school is good. work is good. I'm just excited about life :)