Saturday, September 13, 2008

Unanswered Questions

So recently I have become rather bogged down with this whole "where do you want to end up in four years" question. As if it wasn't hard enough stepping out on a limb and going to a university I never thought I'd be at... and pursuing a major with limited possibilities. My future is unsure. I know that. In the past I have never let that bother me. It was always just "one step at a time". First go to the right college and get my degree, then God will reveal His plan for me. But who am I to put God on a time restraint? As hard as it may be, I need to learn to accept the things I do not know.

I don't know where I'm going to be in four years. So what? As long as I am seeking after God and trying to bring glory to His name, what's the problem? Where is my flawed logic? I feel like everyone else around me needs answers and I have begun to let it influence my thinking. I hate that I worry about this. I know that I just need to be faithful to do what He has called me to, and to serve where He has placed me now... so why am I getting so wrapped up in the future? I know He has been more than faithful in supplying me with the things that I need. And the funny thing is, I think one of the things that makes faith so beautiful is that it's blind. Why do I keep thinking that I need things spelled out for me or the answers written in the sky?

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
-Hebrews 11:1

In the past I have always considered it a good thing to have "faith like a child". But sometimes I worry that that's not good enough for the people around me. Why isn't it? I still invest in scripture and knowledge. I know that can be dangerous or scary for some people to trust blindly, but I don't how else to live my life. When people ask how I expect to support myself, my future family, etc., I can't give them a straight answer. And I've been mocked for not knowing. For being naive and overly optimistic. I just don't understand why so many people need to know all the answers? I believe God will be faithful to me. He will provide all that I need. And that is more than enough for me.

1 comment:

erictchin said...


I'll be praying for you, DG