Lies I've Believed

Lately I have been reflecting and working through certain lies and misconceptions I have bought in to over the last few years. Lies that I've believed as a Christian woman, and lies that I think many Christian women believe. This is not an attempt to debunk Paul's teachings that women should be quiet in the church (or argue with any scripture for that matter!), it is just my way of dealing with the way I think our church culture has perverted and manipulated certain scriptures and principles. I am merely speaking from my own experience, so feel free to disagree.

Lie #1:

To have a gentle and quiet spirit, a woman should be practically mute. Strong personalities and women that are boisterous or outgoing are not walking fully in the light, or they are not as holy as those women that tend to keep to themselves.

Let me start by saying that I understand and recognize the importance of using discretion when choosing what you are going to say. Proverbs 13:3 says that, "Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin", so there is a clear Biblical call to use wisdom and good judgment when choosing what to say and when to say it.

However, what I think this has been turned in to is a scale with which to measure a woman based on her personality. In other words, women that are outgoing or talkative must be falling short in this area. I realize this might not be as common of a belief as I think it is, but it is something that has bothered me for some time. Why should a Christian woman be looked upon as inadequate or unwise simply because she is spirited? Sure, there is an extra responsibility that comes with an eagerness to talk, but wasn't this woman's personality shaped and molded by her Creator? Or on the other end of the scale, why should a quiet, reserved woman be put on a pedestal simply because of her quietness?

Women, like men, are endowed by our Creator with certain characteristics and gifts. I believe that even though culture and society can have a negative impact and shape certain (sinful and unbiblical) qualities in us, we are first and foremost the craftsmanship of God. He has equipped and prepared everyone in unique ways, and it is in these differences and similarities that the Body is made complete.


Lie #2:

Modesty is centered around a list of rules and regulations (as opposed to a pursuit of holiness).

This is just another form of legalism, and I am just as guilty (if not more so) than everyone else that has viewed modesty in this way. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most girls find the issue of modesty a controversial and fuzzy topic. Personally, I grew up being taught that it was my responsibility to control the thoughts (and lust) of the men and boys around me based on how I was presenting my body. That is an enormous responsibility, and one that I don't believe to be fully Biblical. I do believe that Christian women have a responsibility to their Christian brothers to help guard their hearts from lust and temptation...but it is impossible for a woman to know or control someone else's thoughts.

This is where I believe legalism steps in. It is so easy to think "well as long as my shorts are this long" or "no body part is overly exposed, so I should be ok". But that is not what the Bible calls us to do. There is a reason that there isn't a concrete list of do's and don'ts in terms of modesty, it's because it is so much more than a list of rules! This is a lesson I'm still learning and something I pray God continues to affirm in me, I just think it's extremely important that Christian girls (and women) learn that modesty starts in the heart and our clothing is just an outpouring of that.